Planned Un-assisted, Water-birth,
Lotus-birth, Spiritual-birth, at home (in our holy church)
Dearest Family and Friends,
First of all, I have to thank you for your love and support through this very unusual and beautiful learning process of LIFE!
Wow! I have been waiting to write those words ” Labor begins” for quite some time! Actually labor began Saturday night, with very very very light rushes (contractions). They were light, but woke me up from sleep. Everytime I awoke I was chanting the word “Venus”. I was in-between a waking and a dream state. I heard auditory voices telling me ” This is how they birth on Venus” and ” You are having a Venus birth”. The rushes didn’t hurt, but instead felt really good!
As soon as the morning came they stopped. Nothing happened all day Sunday. Then on Sunday night, they returned, again very light. I was sooo excited I didn’t sleep most of the night. I finally made myself sleep by focusing on my breathing. At 7:30 a.m. I had my first strong rush (still not painful). I thought here we go! But then they stopped. I had 2 more all day, of the light ones.
At then when the house was quiet again, and the other babes were fast asleep, they returned. At midnight I had a strong one! and then 20 minutes later, a light one. This went on so that I had 2 light ones every 20 minutes, and then a big one. I had a big one every hour from midnight to 8 a.m. Again they stopped just before Enos and Ayla woke-up! This time on my last rush I woke up chanting ” Earth, Air, Water, Fire” in my head! I slept in-between my rushes in total peace and safety, with no pressure and NO FEAR.
Last night before they started I did some readings. Because of the process so far, I thought to ask my beloved I-Ching if I was gradually advancing? I received Hexagram 53- GRADUAL ADVANCE. Then I received Hexagram 57- THE GENTLE. This is exactly what I have been praying for, affirming, intending and focusing on. The most peaceful and gentle birth for baby and me. And then I got 35- SUCCESS, with line 3 changing ( Which told me that everything is in order, and that all my sorrows will vanish. My sorrows over Bodhi’s passing) and then I got 24- RETURNING ( which is about Bodhi’s soul returning to me and our NEW HOPE, which will end my sorrows.)
At one point on Sunday, while I was outside watching Enos and Ayla playing in the Sun, the thought came to me ” Who do you think you are to birth a baby all alone, you are just a little girl.” and I felt some fear. And then my inner big sister, came to my rescue, and told me ” You are God, and a little girl who has figured it out!” and I was at peace again.
I am sooo looking forward to bringing back my baby from Heaven.
Tonight when the house sleeps, and the rushes return, I feel that they will be delivering my baby to me. Returning him to me from Heaven.
Metaphysical wise~ Baby will be a Jack of Clubs, in The Book Of Destiny, By Robert Lee Camp. Baby had always come up as a possible Club male, like Bodhi was. And I have had many clues and hunches with this card. Baby has also come up as a Spade male child. The second card for the 21st of May is the 7 of Spades. I have always through this process sensed this card for baby. And have guessed it many times as well, as The Universe gave me the signs. The 7 of Spades is The Faith card, which sooo describes our birth. I am following my faith (my readings) with birthing un-assisted, and have been faithful in my waiting as baby has been 7 months and 2 days overdue!!! And I am birthing with faith, and no fear.
I have FAITH
that Mother and Baby
are in God’s hands
Lorinda and the womb baby*
P.S. I guess if you don’t hear from me in the morning, then I am by baby’s side, where I will be forever more! If not yet, I will e-mail with an update. If baby is born, I will e-mail as soon as I can. I know you have been waiting too! And that is in my heart. I will really write as soon as I can.
Dearest Family and Friends,
… I woke up on May 21st, cranky. And Seth woke up cranky, and we were cranky with each other for the first time in months. The birth hadn’t happened in the wee hours, and well we got cranky! Seth quickly snapped out of it, put on his clothes and got to working in the yard. On the one hand I appreciated him just moving forwards and on the other I cried to him “Is this just another day to you?” I was just emotional! And Seth was wonderful and good to me. He lovingly reassured me that as soon as I tell him to fill the tub, he will be there for me.
The light rushes continued in the night, and stopped by day. I really focused on being present, so as to calm my emotions and mind, to stop it from racing into the future. The night before in meditation with my new Ascended Masters deck by Doreen Virtue, I pulled Persistence ~ with Ascended Master Lugh. I have pulled this card many times during this pregnancy, with complete acceptance and understanding, but this time … it wasn’t so. When I read the words: You’re almost there, so keep going. And Commit to your dreams for the long haul, I almost burst!
So outside watching Seth pull weeds (and Ayla too!), and watching Enos play in the pool, and our family of blue jays flying about, I thought about my nights meditation, and began to talk with God. I began to plead actually! I think I may have told him something like ” I can’t take this anymore!”. I just couldn’t dream of or imagine going to the calendar and finding another (by intuition) day, or clue or hunch or guess. I simply could not do it anymore! Ya I said something like that!
What had been sooo wondrous and beautiful and mysterious for me, was all of a sudden NOT feeling good. I needed to hold my baby NOW! Somehow in the midst of my emotions and protests, I heard that still calm voice of God say to me, and remind me … That it is always darkest before the dawn. That remembering calmed me.
I reached for my beloved I-Ching, and did a reading. What do I need to know? I received Hexagram 16 ~
Enthusiasm (with no changing lines). Which basically told me I needed to get happy again! To get enthusiastic again! I knew this was true, but it wasn’t coming easily.
So I reached for my Ascended Masters deck, and did a reading. I pulled the Meditate card with Ascended Master Siddhartha Gautama Buddha. I have been using this deck for about 2 months now, but that day was the very first time I pulled by the law of attraction, that card. And I read: Be still and listen * You need some alone time (that really spoke to me). And then I read about Buddha . . . Siddhartha Gautama devoted his life to finding an end to suffering. He renounced his family’s wealth and tried several spiritual paths, including asceticism, in his quest for spiritual growth. He finally had insight that moderation (or “the middle way”) was the path to enlightenment. He also demonstrated the benefits and importance of meditation, and many of his insights occurred as he meditated beneath the Bodhi tree (I sat there with my little guidebook in my hands completely stunned! I just read my little guys name! and for the first time, after meditating with this deck for 2 months! and today and NOW I receive this, when I sooo am needing it the most! I felt sooo loved and cared for by God, and by Bodhi, who is with him). Call upon Siddhartha Gautama for help in developing your spiritual practice, to practice moderation, and to overcome any form of suffering (ooh! may have to do that when the rushes pick up!).
I sat there feeling better, and pondered the card. I then knew what I had to do. I went into the baby’s room (which is really a shrine to Bodhi) and wept. I just cried my eyes out! I miss him sooo much! I cried in longing to feel his soul again, in his new little body that has grown within my womb. And I cried because I felt like I couldn’t wait any longer. And I cried myself to sleep.
Ayla busted in the door. They were looking for me. Seth realized that I was sleeping, and went to take her away, but I told him that it was ok. I was fine. I had done what I needed to do. I released, and was completely at peace again. I then went outside again to be with my family.
A little later I did another I-Ching reading. I received Hexagram 11 ~ Peace (with no changing lines). I was happy! I was on the right track again. And we had a normal, wonderful day. And then later I made dinner, and when we were all finished, and after our evening movie, I excused myself. I went to go meditate, and Seth put the kids to sleep.
I sat down in the lotus position for maybe 2 minutes, when labor began!!! This time the rush was strong! and it came like 3 waves crashing, one after the other. This hadn’t happened before. I looked at the clock. It was 9 p.m. I began to meditate and focus on my breathing. And received my next rush at 9:30. It wasn’t as big as the last one, but still strong. Having the rushes a half an hour apart wasn’t that unusual with my gradual advancing, that had been occurring. My next rush was strong and at 9:40! Now that was unusual . . . Only 10 minutes apart!
I rushed pretty strong for the next hour almost. I still wasn’t sure if it was happening. Seth had fallen asleep putting the kids to sleep! I wasn’t sure if I ought to wake him up or let him sleep, because we could be up all night. So I did a reading. I asked the I-Ching. I got a yes to wake him up. So I did at 10:30.
At 10:45 we entered our church. Luckily on our last clue and hunch (the 19th) we filled the tub already a ways, so that now we just had to heat it up, and fill it a bit more. The church is sooo beautiful. It was lit by only candlelight. In the church my body really got to work!
It was there that I went into hard labor. I started piggy-backing (having one rush on top of another), and for a couple of them I had intense back labor. I had Seth push on my back for some counter-pressure. I made him hold it for like 5 minutes. He felt the pain with me on that one. Finally it stopped, when we both couldn’t take anymore. Twice during that rush, or wave of them! I fell asleep. My body just went out. For a split-second. It felt good. I thought labor might stop at that point and let me rest. But the rushes kept coming and labor kept going!
. . . So the rushes kept coming, and Seth kept going for more water, to heat up the tub. With every other rush “breathing into” the rush worked like a charm! but with this new wave of them ~ the deep breathing into my hara center INCREASED the pain. It really hurt. This is when I usually labor underwater (and have been called a mermaid ~ which I would pray fervently to God to be! when I was little, hee hee!) but I was still on land.
I quickly developed my own breathing excercise. I had to seperate myself in two. I split myself down the middle. I put my pain on the right side. And then I breathed through my left side and nostril only, very slowly and gently. I created this space where I could breathe around the pain. A space where I could kind of hang out and hide from it, and it worked! And I didn’t suffer! It was like nature’s morphine. From other’s accounts of the drug, I hear it creates this effect where you are on the side of your pain, kinda watching it and feeling it from a distance. That is exactly what I was able to do. It was very cool!
The wave always comes to shore … A labor and life mantra I learned from my friend and birth doula Judith Halek of Birth Balance in NYC (hey jude!) ~ As I was chanting that and loving each and every rush (for bringing my baby to me), I thought of an e-mail I recently had sent to my Mom. I wrote to her how sometimes life brings a wave of challenge to you ~ and that you have to keep positive, to keep your head-up and above water ~ because if you get negative, or too excited as the I-Ching states, then you will get sucked under the wave, which could be dangerous, and even cost you your life (this is what it means to soak your head, in I-Ching terms, in line 6 of hexagram 63 ~ Complete.)
So NOW the wave of challenge was upon me!
… And to keep my head-up, was to feel some pain. To get my head soaked, was to suffer ~ and it was all in my head!
I accepted my pain completely with no judgment, and no asking why? I didn’t fight it, but only sought a way to manage and master it. As I gave myself this space, I thought of my Mother and her wave of challenge, and even though it often has to do with me ~ I thought to myself well that’s her challenge. I let go of the whys? Why can’t I have a Mom like this, or that.
There was no time to judge my wave of challenge ~ only to accept it. It wasn’t necessarily good or bad, it just was. And so is my Mother’s wave.
I was experiencing labor pains (Buddhist philosophy sees it as burning karma. I see that too! I also see more, which I will express later on) ~ and it was challenging. I then equaled my pain and hers, and completely accepted her waves as I accepted and rushed with my own. I accepted her for who she was, and I accepted myself for who I AM! I then began to pray for both of us. I then focused a lot of love and healing light and energy our way. I kept my head high, and so surfed, with ease my wave of challenge.
I remembered then how a month ago, I had an auditory dream, where I heard the words Mothers and daughters. I then saw a vision of Dr.Christiane Northrup ~ and knew I was receiving divine guidance to read her book called Mothers and daughters. I filed it away for when I could choose to afford. And now because of my new insight, my Mom and I are going to read it together, as we have some work to do. I feel confident that in this life we are going to grow closer ~ and even more so when our souls find eachother again, in our next lives, after we have no more karma to burn.
What a spiritual experience! how profound and deep that I have healed ( or have opened myself to the allowing of it) my relationship with my Mother while in labor, and giving birth to my own child.
Seth came back with another bucket. Later he told me that when he asked me if he ought to do this, I told him ” No”. Well what the bleep do I know?! I was in all your focus labor! I warned him as well … that he wouldn’t be able to talk with me ~ He could talk to me, and tell me that I am strong and beautiful! but not have a normal conversation! We are both glad (this time!) that he didn’t listen to me! ha ha ha!
He left to go fill the bucket, and I rushed my next one on the toilet, and my water broke! Now every birth is different, but w/ Enos, Ayla and Bodhi, my waters broke right before I crowned their heads! Could I be that close?
Seth emptied the next bucket, and then I asked him “Howz that water coming along?” He told me “Not yet” At one point I started to cry, but I quickly stopped ~ some other force took over, and instead I ROARED! and I PUSHED! Was I pushing pushing? I did not know? I thought I may not have a water-birth, because “pushing into” my rushes is what my body wanted to do. I looked at my sacred vessel (as the I-ching calls it, with hexagram 50 – The Cauldron) that my father designed (and paid for! Thank you Papa!) and my divine husband built (Thank you baby!), and I felt sad. Just then labor ceased! It just stopped! God gave me a grace period. And then I heard Seth’s footsteps come up the church stairs, and my rushes returned. I then heard him say “I think that’s ok. I think you can get in now.” Thank God! I thought. My body really needed some water at that point.
I got in the sacred vessel. Seth turned on the camcorder, and then left for some more hot water from the house. I had one really strong rush! It was like lightning bolts of the most intense energy coming out of my body, and shooting in every direction ~ and yes it took all of my focus! And that is what I did! With all of my focus I harnessed all of that energy, and I pulled it all in me like a master martial artist! As I did I began to vibrate and shake, and then everything changed. Everything went completely zen. I achieved a calmness in my body, that I can’t really explain ~ but I can tell you that I was in complete control. I was completely on top of it! and was surfing the wave with perfect ease. Not only was I not suffering, but I was no longer in pain as well.
I moved around a little ~ but quickly found the birth position I needed. I waited for the next rush and gently pushed into it. I fely my baby move and my vulva bulge! I knew baby was ready to enter the birth canal, and would do so on the next push! (I wasn’t planning on pushing at all, unless it felt good and right, which it did.)
Just then I heard the church door open and Seth’s footsteps (this you can hear in the film of our holy birth!) He poured in another bucket of hot water, and also by the grace of God, got the temperature just right! The hot water felt soo wonderful and the pouring of it produced a waterfall effect! It was sooo nice (and also really neat in our film!) ~
From the waterfall, I felt a rush, and then I gently pushed and baby easily went up the birth canal, and baby’s head crowned into our world. I was still in complete control, and no pain. Birthing can be a master path, as they teach in Calm Birth. I achieved this mastery. I could have continued the push and had baby out in one! because baby rotated in the birth canal, but for whatever reason I became aware that I pooped! and so took the time to clean, as Seth was busy. Maybe to really feel the effects of how in control I was.
From Seth’s perspective at this point … He poured the bucket of water, and as he was leaving to go get some more, he looked at me through the camera. He thought to himself “Hey that looks like some blood. That looks like a head, it is a head!” He like I, had no idea how FAST things were moving!
So I cleaned out some poop! and then I easily, calmly, gently and peacefully pushed our baby the rest of the way out!!! and into my loving hands and arms at last!
I looked down at my baby, in the water and saw beautiful eyes looking up at me. Baby was reaching for me too! I’ll always remember and treasure that image. I instantly loved my baby soooo much!
Baby drew the first breath of life at 11:47 p.m. I had never been more curious over my childs gender! Right away Seth and I were checking. We both thought we saw a twinkie! but it was the cord. We both pulled it aside and exclaimed…
IT’S A GIRL!!!
… I found more wisdom and knowledge from this card, that pertains to our birthstory … I send it with the hopes that maybe it will lend strength and hope, to you when you are being tested …
What you may be called upon to do this year is just to continue on, in spite of what is happening that may cause you to have doubts or hesitations. If your goals and DREAMS are really worthwhile, persist (remember the Persistence card with Ascended Master Lugh!) ~ and you will discover the magical quality of faith first hand. That is what I did … and experienced. This Seven of Spades wrapped up my seven months of being overdue mystery!!!
Name: Eyeah Isis Silver Moon Light Peace Rainwater
Born On : May 21, 2008
At: 11:47 p.m.
In : Our holy church at home
Dearest Family and Friends,
I was just looking at, and feeling how much I love Eyeah! and what a miracle it is that Bodhi has reincarnated as her! Then on Hay house radio, the program that was on at that moment, as I tuned in, was on reincarnation! And then they started talking about Bodhisattvas!!!
It didn’t happen right away … as a week after her birth I was still found by Seth crying … He asked me why I was crying, and I replied why do I ever cry? He replied “I don’t know!”. I said “I miss Bodhi”. But as soon as Eyeah began to be awake more, it happened … I became aware on the deepest heart level, that He is here! Bodhi is back in my home again physically through a new body (Eyeah!), through reincarnation and through God!
I sooo have the same baby… I sooo have the same soul! And as I look down and see her laying in my arms, I see Bodhi as I last saw Him laying in my arms, as I last saw Him (before the funeral).
Words cannot describe what I feel, but I can say… It is the MOST BEAUTIFUL experience that I have ever known. And ever since I have seen this I have not cried over Bodhi … I look at His picture and I look at His ashes, and the deep ache and the deep longing for Him is gone! because He is here!!!
I thought that baby may look like Bodhi … something subtle, in the eyes or something … However Eyeah looks exactly like Bodhi … there is only something subtle about her, that does not look like Bodhi! Probably because of the gender change … other than that … they are sooo much alike!!!
And right now the only thing that really captures her attention (besides me, and her food source!), because she is sooo young (although she is very alert!) ~ is a sweater that used to be Bodhi’s. She recognizes it as one of her belongings. There are many items on our fireplace mantel, but she only looks at His sweater. She looks at it and just smiles and smiles! She smiles at the ceiling fan too!
LIFE is beautiful!