“Doula Unto Others…”

Posted on 23 October, 2013 by Judith Halek

Yoga

This is Judith Elaine Halek’s response to:
“Doula unto others – Forget the trendy labor coaches and
midwives – give me doctors and drugs,” an article written
by Martha Brockenbrough at Women Central.
The original article has since been removed from the web.

Martha:

Tribal conditioning has been a powerful imprint for you. It’s obvious you have been indoctrinated into the medical model mentality from utero.

I can’t tell you how many times in the past 14 years I have walked into a hospital and found pubic hair in the showers, (someone’s other than the woman I am with), dried blood under the beds, dry, caked, diarrhea under the toilet lid…sterile? Hairy back seats of cars? I would rather birth my baby in an environment and bacteria my body was USE TO being around.

“..back in the days when hospitals treated pregnancy and childbirth like a disease.”

What century are you living in? THEY STILL TREAT pregnancy and childbirth like a disease!!! As one of the largest industrial nations on this planet, we have one of the HIGHEST c-section rates, 31.5% in the world. This is because women are allowing the “medical experts” to tell them whether their bodies WORK or not.

That’s why so many hospitals have created comfortable birthing rooms (I refuse to call them suites) that simulate a homey environment. Just because a hospital rooms had facelifts…it doesn’t mean there is inner beauty. If the medical model philosophy of “delivering” vs. “birthing,” “drugs” vs. “alternatives such as: water, trust or assistance,” then it doesn’t matter what the room looks like, the treatment will continue to be the same.

“…mother who charges money for their services.”

I am a certified hypnotherapist, childbirth educator, certified labor support specialist, certified bodyworker, herbologist and nutritionist.

As an editor of the world’s third largest web site on waterbirth and labor support doula’s, I must say, like the television program “ER,” your lack of research reflects ‘pontification journalism’ as opposed to ‘legitimate, journalism that indicates intelligence and integrity.

My advice to someone who has such an overt disdain for ANYTHING on the level you do with Doulas is, if you haven’t experienced it, don’t knock it…you speak with false authority on the subject other than your own opinion which for me, as stated above lacks credibility.

In favor of respecting choice that is well informed.

Judith Halek
Director of Birth Balance
NYC, NY

Welcome Through Heart

Posted on 3 September, 2013 by Judith Halek

There is no more honorable work than assisting a newborn onto the planet. Since 1987 I’ve had the fortune of sharing my talents and skills as a professional Labor Assistant (doula) with parents as they birth their babies. We are ‘Heart Keepers’ as we ‘hold the space’ for semblance and symmetry. When someone in the birth team, (doctors, midwives, nurses, anesthesiologists, grandmothers, aunts, uncles, friends) become out of resonance with the core couple (mom/partner and baby), it’s up to the doula to help bring back the energy through communication, compromise and breath. I help the couple to look at their options and encourage them to make the final decisions. As a Heart Keeper doula, I am required to be patient, release my ego, calmly and quietly redirect the mother and/or partner into their bodies, breath and connection to their baby. “Doula” is a Greek word meaning, “woman assistant.” In Zulu, the word, “Dula” means “To Be.”

And now, in the Spring of 2011, I experience many individuals sharing their gifts and talents as the global heart awakens to a new potential human, like the newborn, reflecting the possibility of their greatest good. The planet is in a chrysalis state, moving out of the old paradigm of the caterpillar to the ultimate expression of the butterfly.

As a baby begins with the union of seed from father and egg from mother, new life emerges and forms in the aquatic chrysalis within the mother’s womb. The heart, the first organ to develop in the fetus, begins beating at 3 weeks and one day from fertilization. Here’s a cryptic play on the word EARTH: take the H and place it in front of the E and the new word is HEART. We are born onto a ‘heart planet’.

The latest Heart Coherence studies are discovering the heart has it’s own nervous system more powerful than the brain/spine nervous system. Scientists have measured and proven we have an emotional response before a thought. The emotions are indicators as to what we think, good or bad. Further studies show when a subject is looking at a series of images flashed before their eyes, there is an anticipated, precognitive feeling of the next image within seconds before it is flashed in front of them.

Is this science fiction, or the ability to measure that which has always been within us? These are exciting times we live in. How do you share through the heart?

The Truth About Motherhood – Oprah 4/6/09

Posted on 3 September, 2013 by Judith Halek

Times have changed. My mother raised 5 children in the 1950′s, without a nanny, cook, housecleaner, or babysitter. When she was pregnant with me, she had 3 toddlers under the age of 5. Tired? There wasn’t a WORD for it according to my mother. She sat down one day at the table in the middle of the day with her mother and just started crying. Her mother was shocked, “What’s the matter?” My mother released, “Oh, I guess I am just tired, it all seems so overwhelming!” Of course my stoic grandmother came out with, “You dry up those tears. You have nothing to cry about. You have a house over your head, food on the table, a husband who doesn’t drink and run around with other women. You have nothing to cry about.” Ah yes, yet ANOTHER level of suppression.

Here we are in 2009, with programs allowing “voices to be heard.” My question is, by expressing one’s experience and focusing on the negative can this potentially keep people in the negative? Or is it therapeutic to ‘get it out’ and not keep it trapped in the body? I understand the rationalization of the expression is to ‘release’ the tension, ‘be heard,’ ‘allow one to vent,’ in order to move on. Yet on this particular show, “The Truth About Motherhood,” while there were funny moments throughout and interesting concepts to ponder, I wonder if we are setting up the women to get ready for the dysfunction before it might not happen?

Because I have not bore or raised children, most would say I am not one to even have an opinion. For the past 22 years I’ve counseled, assisted and helped over 1,100 babies come into the world. I speak not as your average woman without child. I am empathetic and have always encouraged my clients, friends and family members to ‘express themselves’ in order to release and move on. I don’t lie about the realities of ‘lack of sleep,’ needing to take care of oneself amidst the demands of the baby and/or their partner. I encourage coping tools, humor, support and expression to counter the extraordinary demands in this high paced society we live in today.

“The Truth About Motherhood” : Monday, April 6, 2009. http://www.oprah.com/article/oprahshow/20090311-tows-mom-truth

Longtime friends Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile set out on the motherhood journey together. They had perfect plans—Amy would stay at work after kids; Trisha would have three children, set exactly two years apart. But, like so many best-laid plans, things didn’t work out like they thought. Motherhood, they say, was more overwhelming than they expected. “It was like a bomb hit us,” Amy says. “I didn’t feel I had permission to talk about how hard motherhood really was.” Eventually, Trisha and Amy say they reached their breaking point, and they set out to see if other mothers shared their struggles. After interviewing hundreds of women, they say they’ve heard all the dirty little secrets of motherhood. Their first book, “I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids,” was based on their findings.

One of the most poignant messages on the program that day from a, ‘Stay At Home Mom:”

Dee-Dee is currently a stay-at-home mom, but she was a working mother once too. “The competition is there because we create it for ourselves,” she says. “There’s really no reason to compete, because [stay-at-home moms] are just as busy as the working mom. The working mom is just as busy as we are. We just tend to sometimes put the focus on the wrong things. We’re all busy 24/7. I consider myself an at-home working mother.” Amy says these wars arise out of our own uncertainties as mothers. “We’re insecure about the choices we’re making—that’s why we’re judging each other,” she says. “We need to give ourselves a collective break.”

That is right everyone needs to give themselves a ‘collective break.’ People don’t these days, the ego runs rampant. The oxygen mask goes on the mother last and unfortunately everyone around her as well as herself is dead because she didn’t put it on herself FIRST. So often women have lost themselves and their relationship with their partner, in the details of everyday life. Family and children come first, work next, life next, maybe partner and then themselves. The last and most exhausted part of who they are. And so these women get sick. All the time they think they are being “strong” because they are able to “do it all.” This is not a reflection of strength, it is weakness.

Kids need to see that you are ‘real.’ One mother’s response to that realness was:

Now that Karen has learned the ropes of motherhood, she’s got some tricks she’s willing to share. “I think the best way to discipline is for your kid to think that you’re just a little bit crazy,” she says. “You’ve got to make them think that this might be the moment that Mom finally loses it.” Karen says she came up with her new method when she once threatened to take away all of her daughter’s toys. “Of course she didn’t believe me, so she [misbehaved] again and I didn’t even yell. … I went in and cleaned out her room. There wasn’t so much as a Lego left,” she says. A day later, Karen put the toys back, but she says those 24 hours did the trick. “Now, all I have to do is get that sort of wild I’m-gonna-take-all-your-toys-away look in my eye, and she straightens up.”

Of course motherhood, with the baby on the outside, creates lessons of surrender:

Melinda Roberts, a mom of three, says she had to learn on her own that motherhood is like a 12-step program. “You’ve got to take it one day at a time sometimes,” she says. “You feel like: ‘If I can get out of bed and get breakfast on the table, I’ll be happy. If I can get them to school, I’ll be happy.’”One major motherhood realization that Melinda says she had with her first child was that she could no longer control everything in her life. “You can no longer choose your activities, your down time, when you get to sleep,” she says. “No matter what you do or where you go, you’re always tethered to this other human being in this unbreakable, incredibly fragile way. Anything you do will affect this child potentially for the rest of their life.”

No program would be complete with out discussion of “Is there Sex after babies?”

One popular topic on Heather’s blog (http://www.dooce.com) is sex and how it changes when you are a mom. “It took seven months [before I had sex after giving birth]. No one had told me that it was going to take that long after what the baby did to me,” Heather says. “Any guy who wants to have unprotected sex? Seven months without it. Just think about that for a minute. Let that number circulate in your head for a little bit.” Karen says the definition of intimacy has changed for her marriage since her child was born. “Intimacy in our house nowadays is my husband and I touching ankles below my daughter’s sleeping form between us,” she says. “It’s really hard to get that loving feeling when you’ve got a 40-pound kid between you.”

No wrong or right, good or bad, a forum for reflection, discussion and support. Where do you stand in YOUR truth about motherhood?

The Future of Our Children

Posted on 3 September, 2013 by Judith Halek

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TO ALL WHO “SURVIVED” THE 1950′s, 60′s and 70′s…

Jay Leno, Television Talk Show Host

(February 2009)

We were born to mothers who smoked and drank while they were pregnant. They also took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and they didn’t get tested for diabetes. We were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-base paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors of cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we wore baseball caps and not helmets on our heads. We rode in cars with no infant car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, and riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm sunny day was a sumertime treat for every kid and teenager and family dog.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one died from it. We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and things cooked with bacon grease. We drank Kool-Aid made with real sugar and rarely ever were any of us overweight. Why? Because we were always outside playing… that’s why! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back by the time the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day and we were O.K.!

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times we learned to solve the problem. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, got a few broke bones, and there were no lawsuits from these incidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out everyone’s eyes. We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that! And the idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law- and the law actually sided with the PARENTS.

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors in history. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with ALL of it. If you are one of the lucky ones who were fortunate enough to grow up in America BEFORE the lawyers and the government regulated childhood out of existence, congratulations! Try not to cry today when you look at your grandchild’s smiling sweet face, try not to think of what a pittiful excuse for a childhood they’re going to have compared to yours. Cry when you think of THEIR children.

“With hurricanes, tornadoes, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe storms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?”